Oh, how fun. This is exactly what I needed. I spun the dial and found a show on TV Land…Sit Down Comedy with David Steinberg. Never heard of it, never watch TVLand, ever, but here is this show with Jon Stuart as a guest, so, of course, I just have to watch. And, oh, did I need to just laugh tonight, on the 4th annivesary of the start of this war, of shock and awe.
Bad mood all day. Not sure why, but mostly has to do with traffic and people who think they are the only ones on the road and can go as fast or as slow as they want and I found myself using all my bad words (and I have a lot) before getting to the office. And then I used a whole bunch more when my computer wouldn’t work. Just one thing after another. And, as things go, this truly was a good day. No bad stuff happened.
But here’s where I think the day went all wrong: I dreamed that I had been asked to sit on a panel at General Assembly which was being held at Disney World (how I would cast hell, if I were a set designer). I had 30 minutes and I was dreadfully afraid that if I showed up at the panel dressed as I was that I would be dressed down verbally by PeaceBang (not that I’m a minister, but still, her influence just goes on and on). So I opted to be late but dressed well. So it was one of those running dreams, where everything is in slow motion and things keep popping up to slow you down even further. And then the alarm started going off, and I kept hitting the snooze bar and as soon as I’d go back into my cocoon of sleep, I’d be right back in that slow motion hell. Finally, I got to the panel presentation having no idea what I was going to say (or even why I had been asked to be on it), and I see the empty seat with my name in front of it and then see my boss in the front row and then the alarm goes off again and Bonnie Raitt is singing and then my husband says “don’t you have to get the girls to the orthodontist?” and I’m torn between being grateful that I don’t have to go back to that slo-mo slide into desperation and disappointment and the desire to just crawl back under the covers and truly, truly sleep.
Truly sleep. I can’t remember the last time I truly slept and felt cocooned and happy and warm. So, that’s where the day started wrong. And I kept trying to turn my mood around. I mean, how can you have a sour mood when you come home and there’s a check for $500 waiting for you in the mailbox and it wasn’t anything you ever even knew about. I mean how can you be cross? And yet, I was.
And then we went to a candlelight vigil for the war anniversary and it was chilly and the wind kept blowing our candles out, but we had community there who kept relighting them for us, and then someone handed us paper cups to cover the flame, and then my middle daughter set her cup on fire just not paying attention. And I tried, really tried to be a part of the moment and then a woman got very strident and annoying and yelled at all of us who did show up to show up every Saturday. “You can give an hour; what’s an hour in your life,” she screeched at us. So I blew out my candle and gathered my girls and went home.
But here I am, with Jon Stuart and David Stienberg and all I can do is laugh and laugh and laugh…out loud even. And boy do I need this.