Wholly and un-holy human: that’s me

Still feeling like the worst mom ever because yesterday I hollered and cussed at my oldest child only to find that my babysitter was on the other side of the door (which is truly what bothered me, that my horrible-ness had been revealed, publicly), I stumbled on to Yet Another Working Mom’s blog. There I found myself in pretty good (or is it bad?) company, seeing as I’m a white woman, reasonably educated, with a computer and a fast connection, who likes Idol and wine (but usually beer) and rates her own mothering capabilities in the ‘has not distinguished herself’ category.

I should strive to be a better mom, I know, but knowing I’m not alone in my suck-i-ness makes me feel just a tad bit better about having a human-sized temper, about not wanting to be accosted THE VERY MINUTE I walk in the door after an hour-long commute.  And yet, I still feel like I’ve missed the mark–and rightly so.

Perhaps I’m missing my mother, too, who has been travelling; I usually call her at such times and simply say “I’m so sorry, Mommy, I’m really sorry.” To which she usually responds with a hearty chuckle, then sings the song she sang to me as I was growing up: “I hope you grow up and have children … just like you.”  (The other phrase this a-theistic woman used to utter (or was it mutter) at me was “God’ll get ya!” Boy, did I get got by God.  Three times over. )

Still, my bad-mood-baby and her foul-mouthed-mommy had a moment when we exchanged remorse and vowed to do better to/by/for each other.  What else can you do when you are fully and only human?

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About TinaLBPorter

I write poetry and blog at www.tinalbporter.com. And I'm thrilled to be writing with you.
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3 Responses to Wholly and un-holy human: that’s me

  1. Karen says:

    Oh, Tina, you give me so much to look forward to! Not to mention a wonderfully deep and insightful role model.

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  2. kaleigh says:

    It does our children no favors to be strictly controlled all the time. That gives them a false sense of what adulthood is. I’d rather give them a glimpse of the good AND the bad….they’ve seen me have real emotions….and they know that grief doesn’t kill you, anger fades, and glee isn’t necessary 100% of the time to still be a reasonably happy person.

    And having that conversation afterward? Awesome. You and the little one both benefit from those moments. That’s the stuff we remember deep in our selves. And the only redemption that means a damn to me.

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  3. mskitty says:

    Oh, hon, we all have our “worst mother in the world” days. Fortunately, our kids manage to survive—and it gives them great stories and lines to use on our grandkids.

    My mother, when she was peeved, used to say to us “you ornery whelp, I’m going to rip off your leg and beat you over the head with the bloody stump!” My mother the Baptist minister’s wife, yes, that one. It was a great line to use on my kid when he was small because it was so ridiculous and so awful at the same time. My mother was otherwise a saint! And so are you!

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