Today, with apologies to Dr. Seuss and maybe a teen or two

If I did emoticons, I’m not sure how I would render today’s mood in type. It’s a dark and angry mood undergirded by a depression spawned by my own genetic offspring.

Oh, I know, I’d render it like this: F@%K!!!  But that’s not really an emoticon, is it.  Just bad language poorly hidden.

I don’t care. Today I’m angry.  Today, I am tired.  Today, I no longer wish to be a mother.  Just for today, I’d like to be a skinny young woman with car keys and a credit card and a pair of strappy sandals, and somewhere warm to go.  Today, I am worn down by being an estrogen-challenged, middle-aged mother to not one, but TWO estrogen-loading, teen and nearly teen girls. 

Anne Lamott once wrote something to the effect that she understood why women have children in their twenties, not their thirties, and certainly not their forties. It is so menopause and puberty don’t meet in the same house at the same time.  Wisdom there.  Wish I’d read it while I was still that skinny girl in strappy sandals and could have turned a thing or two on a dime.

Today, I understand why I was a loner in middleschool: I do not like pre and teen girls.  They stink (yes, both literally and figuratively) and they are mean and they are meanest to the woman who loves them and understands them best.  And, for some stupid ass reason, they think a syruppy “sor-ry” will get them off the hook for being a tremendously tiresome tyrannical tantrom-y (yes, I’m making that up) troll.  I do not like them, Sam I am.  I do not like them in my house, I would not force them on a louse.  I do not like them in a tree, unless that tree is far from me.  I do not like them in a box, unless it’s soundproof with 8 locks.  I do not like them, Sam I say, I just don’t like them for today.  I will like them again, I think I’m sure; I will like them once we all mature.

Strangely, that was cathartic.  I may like them a little better already.


About TinaLBPorter

I write poetry and blog at And I'm thrilled to be writing with you.
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8 Responses to Today, with apologies to Dr. Seuss and maybe a teen or two

  1. Pingback: A nap! My fiefdom for a nap! « uuMomma

  2. Venessa says:

    I must write down that poem. My 3 girls are 5,2 and 11 months. I am mentally dragging out these years as long as I can to put off teenagerdom.


  3. Lizard Eater says:

    The lizard-eating stage! To expand on my blog description:

    My dad claims that when girls are in that pre-teen, early-teen stage, every single one goes through the lizard-eating stage. Cats with access to the outdoors do the same … in the spring, they lose their winter coat, and their winter fat, and catch lizards and eat grass and look mean and scrawny. He says girls are just like that. Their bodies aren’t fitting them right, and they want to play with Barbies one day and rock stars the next, and they walk around in a state of permanent pissed-offedness. (Think of how Chelsea Clinton looked at that age.)

    And I’m going to have three. Ye Gods.


  4. Suz says:

    You’d wish that on a tree? Oh dear!

    I remember being especially unfond of my Mom between the ages of14-20. It probably would have worn off around 17 if the big “D” hadn’t come about due to her filing.

    Now? My Mom’s my second best friend, after Deb.

    Hang in there.



  5. Kaleigh says:

    Yeah, I’m dreading it but also looking forward to it. My daughter is about to turn 10 and has started getting a few physical signs that things are changing. I’m looking forward to the greater depth our relationship will have, but I know it won’t be easy.

    Hopefully my acute memories of that age will help. Because, oh god, it was hard.


  6. I does get better. My daughters and I survived middle school, weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth, braces, and all ( I won’t tell you whose!). The 19yo is now happily at college in another state, and has me on her IM buddy list. The 16yo thinks I just performed a miracle finding the right accessories for her to wear with her prom dress. Holy moly!

    Now, if their older brother would just get his um, act, together…


  7. uuMomma says:

    MsKitty: thank you. Middle school counselor? You shouldn’t be a minister; you should be a SAINT! Bless you, and thanks for checking in.


  8. mskitty says:

    I don’t know if it’s helpful, but one of the things I learned as a middle school counselor was that many, if not most, early adolescent girls go into “I hate Mom” stage when they start loading estrogen. I had so many girls in my office crying about how they couldn’t stand their moms and so many moms in my office crying about how they used to get along so well with their daughters and now it has all changed.

    Within a year or so, the situation had improved if the moms hung in there and didn’t leave home in despair and before too long, they were on a more or less even keel again. This is when dads become very useful!

    I expect the same thing will happen to you, if you can just keep doing your Dr. Seuss number and laughing at the sheer human craziness of it all.


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