Trudging toward transformation

It’s fun to troll through the blogs and find yourself.  Jamie over at Trivium found my last post and blogged about it.  I tried to leave a comment, but alas, as in other places where I have attempted, for some reason it did not go through.  So I’ll just take a minute here to say:

Thanks, Jamie.  That first paragraph of mine really came out harsher than I wanted it to.  In your post, you get at what I was trying to say, but did not take the time to say well. The “it sucks” comment really comes out of me when I am caught up in the honest-to-goodness struggle with living my religion—when it is hard for me, when I don’t want to take the extra steps to be truly welcoming or truly open to all, when I am completely stuck in my lizard brain—it is then that I grumble about it sucking to be UU sometimes.  The religious living comes after, when I “suck it up” and do that which is hard.  Or is that just growing up?

The “inclusive” comment was just an example of when I feel the issue tugging at me—tugging me toward that better self I envision who truly contributes to creating a world influenced by justice, compassion and equity.  For me, a woman ruled primarily by emotion, it is only human to, at times, give in to that lizard brain and vocalize those things I know are just absolutely wrong, but having the tantrum allows me to see myself, my bad behavior, and move on.  So I give in on occasion and in safe spaces where others can guide me back to that better place and remind me that yes, the work is hard, but it is worth it. Always worth it.  And they also always remind me that I didn’t really mean it.  (It is akin to my daughters yelling “I hate you,” I guess.  I know it isn’t true, so do they, but in the saying of it, they get it out of their systems and we move on, back into a space where we can laugh about how ridiculous the whole outburst was–usually.)

And, Jamie, I will include your post as one of those conversations…nudging me ever closer (and sometimes only in increments of a hairs-breath) to that vision of truly living with integrity, where I actually do respect the inherent worth, dignity and inclusion of everyone.  Thanks, again.

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About TinaLBPorter

I write poetry and blog at www.tinalbporter.com. And I'm thrilled to be writing with you.
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4 Responses to Trudging toward transformation

  1. uuMomma says:

    Thanks, Jacqueline, for stopping by and for your kind words.

    Jamie–good to hear from you, as well. Thanks for the challenge. It got me thinking.

    Earthbound: I’m laughing as I have the image of the Chaucer character when he first appears in “A Knight’s Tale”–naked, walking down the path. They ask him what he’s doing and he says something like, “I’m trudging. You know, to trudge…” can’t do it justice. But gives me the giggles just thinking of it.

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  2. Amen. And I love the title – “trudging” says it all – steady movement, though often slow and difficult.

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  3. I am glad you found the post…

    I think I knew where you were coming from and trust me there are lots of times when I throw my hands up with an exclamation of “this sucks.”

    Thanks! ~ Jamie

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  4. jacqueline says:

    Sometimes it does suck to be UU. It is hard to be inclusive ALL THE TIME. It is hard to remember that everyone has inherent worth. It is hard to let everyone live their own paths.

    Even though it is hard it is most often great and I wouldn’t be anything other then UU, and I am sure you wouldn’t either.

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