Thank You, Mamas!

In my last post, I asked a question to the Mamas—who did not disappoint.  Just wanted to say thank you to you all.

It’s funny, I edited myself when I wrote that post because, instead of an actual spit-take, I did do a verbal one that I didn’t include in my post.  It was exactly what you all suggested:  “Why do you want to know that?” I asked, but in a tone that was genuinely not very nice but full of concern nonetheless.  I then added, “You aren’t planning anything are you?”  To which she responded in a way that assured me she was not, “eewww, Mom. There’s no one to do it with!”  (which, on another level certainly did not reassure me).  I left this part of the conversation out on purpose because, well, I felt like it was the wrong response.  Gut reaction that it was.  So, not entirely honest blogging but I hope you all will forgive me.

We’ve had the conversation where I tell her to give it all time, that there are certain behaviors that, if you start them when you are still really a kid (like 13-17, I guess, but I didn’t put any hard numbers on it), they can become habits that rule you.  Lumped in that category are smoking, drinking, drugs and sex.  I use my own geeky self as an example for a lot of this, saying that starting these things later doesn’t guarantee you won’t have addiction issues, but with age comes the ability to handle yourself better, to draw your own limits, yadda yadda.

 All that said, I’m going to take the majority of your advice and be vague while answering but also drawing some clear personal boundaries.  I love Lizard Eater’s father’s way of addressing the issue.  Though, I’ll probably ask more questions than I need to just cuz I’m nosy and have always asked more than I need to with just about everybody (except, apparently with my mother to which I say, “you’re welcome”.

I think my eldest daughter just watched too many episodes of Gilmore Girls without me this summer.  I think she expects me to be some married version of the mom (you know, I don’t have a new love/sex interest each fall but keep the same one) who, by the 3 minutes I saw of the one show she was watching, was very much interested in knowing all about her daughter’s first time.  Big big ick factor there.  Boundaries, girls.  Let’s keep some boundaries.

Thanks again, ladies. 

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About TinaLBPorter

I write poetry and blog at www.tinalbporter.com. And I'm thrilled to be writing with you.
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7 Responses to Thank You, Mamas!

  1. Pingback: Teen Pregnancy as Table Talk « uuMomma

  2. Ditto what radical mama said in her first post, though we all may do things differently. As I said, my daughters have both graduated from OWL – and can tell me more about STDs than I really want to know…

    OTOH, our pediatrician is pretty firm about the HPV shot – and she’s not financially invested because she sends patients to the county health dept. where it’s less expensive. I think the risk of HPV, which does cause cervical cancer, is real.

    And LE – I still think it’s hilarious that when your mom was 38 you were considered a “late in life” baby. These days some women don’t get started with child-bearing until their late 30’s! The times they are a-changin’ alright.

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  3. radical mama says:

    “Ah, to live in the days when all you needed for birth control/STD protection was a quarter held tightly between your knees.”

    LMAO!

    Oldest sounds like a pretty grounded child. I am sure she will come to you when she needs it.

    I won’t do the HPV shot either. It’s scary how little testing has been done, especially long-term. I am not selling my kids health to a special interest. I DON”T think it would encourage them to have sex, I think that argument is silly (personally), but there are too many unknowns.

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  4. uuMomma says:

    Oh, Ms. T, thanks for the laugh (and the shudder).

    Yep, LE and RadicalMama, I’m not saying we won’t be talking about any of this. It’s part of that “save it for later” talk–but if you don’t (save it for later), I want you to know you can ask me for help because my job is to make sure you are healthy and safe (in all meanings of the word).

    So this leads me to another thought that I may or may not put as a separate post: I’m not getting my girls the HPV shot–at least not until I’m convinced it is safe and necessary by someone other than the pharmaceutical company. Am I working against my daughters’ health and safety with this decision?

    Ah, to live in the days when all you needed for birth control/STD protection was a quarter held tightly between your knees.

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  5. radical mama says:

    That’s a definite ick-factor.

    I have no itention of sharing details with my girls (their secrets or mine) with a few exceptions:

    1. Please tell me if you are certain that “it” is going to happen so I can get you protection. [Some moms may disagree with me here, but I think a pregnancy or STD is a very unfair punishment for deciding to have sex.]
    2. If something is wrong, physically or emotionally, tell me immeadiately and I will not judge you.
    3. If someone violated you, tell me immeadiately and I will not judge you.

    Other than that, save it for someone who’s NOT your mother.

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  6. Lizard Eater says:

    On the ewww factor … I was a late-in-life baby, and my sister was 16 when I was born. When she found out our mom was pregnant, she was so mad at my parents because she couldn’t believe they were still “doing it.”

    My mom was 38.

    Oh, one other BIG point … I don’t know if now is the appropriate time, or when she’s older and has a boyfriend. The talk about, “Okay, you have to realize that once you have sex with your boyfriend, he’s going to want to do it EVERYTIME you’re together. Forget the long walks through the park, lingering over dessert, hanging with friends. It’s going to turn into “how can we get alone so we can have sex?”

    Maybe I’m generalizing … nah. I don’t think so.

    LE — who just had to give her 8 year old the “boys are stupid” talk after her close (boy) friend began acting icky because another boy made fun of him for being her boyfriend. And yes, it was actually couched as “boys are often more immature about relationships yada yada yada.” That was when her father broke in and explained that boys are stupid, and they’ll be stupid for many years. His words, not mine.

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  7. I really enjoyed reading the responses as a non-mama. 🙂

    I think my mom told me unprompted about the first time she had sex and I’ve just about completely blocked the memory.

    The squeamish feeling in reference to sharing seems important to me.

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