In my last post, I asked a question to the Mamas—who did not disappoint. Just wanted to say thank you to you all.
It’s funny, I edited myself when I wrote that post because, instead of an actual spit-take, I did do a verbal one that I didn’t include in my post. It was exactly what you all suggested: “Why do you want to know that?” I asked, but in a tone that was genuinely not very nice but full of concern nonetheless. I then added, “You aren’t planning anything are you?” To which she responded in a way that assured me she was not, “eewww, Mom. There’s no one to do it with!” (which, on another level certainly did not reassure me). I left this part of the conversation out on purpose because, well, I felt like it was the wrong response. Gut reaction that it was. So, not entirely honest blogging but I hope you all will forgive me.
We’ve had the conversation where I tell her to give it all time, that there are certain behaviors that, if you start them when you are still really a kid (like 13-17, I guess, but I didn’t put any hard numbers on it), they can become habits that rule you. Lumped in that category are smoking, drinking, drugs and sex. I use my own geeky self as an example for a lot of this, saying that starting these things later doesn’t guarantee you won’t have addiction issues, but with age comes the ability to handle yourself better, to draw your own limits, yadda yadda.
All that said, I’m going to take the majority of your advice and be vague while answering but also drawing some clear personal boundaries. I love Lizard Eater’s father’s way of addressing the issue. Though, I’ll probably ask more questions than I need to just cuz I’m nosy and have always asked more than I need to with just about everybody (except, apparently with my mother to which I say, “you’re welcome”.
I think my eldest daughter just watched too many episodes of Gilmore Girls without me this summer. I think she expects me to be some married version of the mom (you know, I don’t have a new love/sex interest each fall but keep the same one) who, by the 3 minutes I saw of the one show she was watching, was very much interested in knowing all about her daughter’s first time. Big big ick factor there. Boundaries, girls. Let’s keep some boundaries.
Thanks again, ladies.