Rage against … the children?

So, last night I’d had enough.  ENOUGH, I say.  Tired of trying to be adult and rational and all that stuff that goes with losing someone and knowing someone else is very, very sick and having to pretend “I’m okay.” Tired of making certain everything that needs to be done is done or at least been given due notice that it needed to be done whether it was or not.  Anyway, I was tired of being, as my mother calls it, “the tall one.”  And my daughters decided to wage war in the bathroom.  And I’d had ENOUGH, I tell you, E. N. O. U. G. H.

And my daughters started squabbling and I lost my effing temper.  And then I noticed that the windows were wide open.  So I pulled my effing temper back under control.  But it wasn’t difficult to be quiet.  Kids 2 and 3 skeedadled to their rooms as the f-bomb landed for the umpteenth time.  Kid 1 was still in the bathtub, where the war started.

I was looking for a fight.  I see that now.  Because even though I was embarrassed by losing my temper so outrageously, I felt better–immediately.  It was like the release valve had been opened.  But I should not have taken it out on them.  Kid 3 came out for a kiss.  I gave it to her, along with an apology and an explanation.  She kissed me again, cuz she knew I needed it.  And then went to bed without another word.  I went in to Kid 2’s room and apologized to her, as well.  Even though neither Kid 2 or 3 were the target of my rage, they were the unintended victims and they deserved to know that mom was back from her momentary insanity.

Kid 1 exited the bathroom, ready to ignore me while staring me down.  “Hold up,” I said to her, not yelling.  I apologized for the carpet f-bombing and, once again, said I was wrong.  She thanked me.  I tried to smile.  I watched Boston Legal.  I felt better. And worse. And better. And worse again.

I’m tired.  Really tired.  But the world spins on, with “pro-life” presidents who, I guess, believe that life ends at birth because we sure don’t want all those un-aborted babies getting “free” health care.  Heaven forbid parents have some help providing basic medical care to their children. Because we all know that those parents in the lower middle class are rolling in disposable income.  No child left behind, my hiney.  More like no fetus left behind. Fetus, we like. Live child with asthma, not so much.

Is it a wonder I rage.  I just need to get better at directing it at the appropriate channels.

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About TinaLBPorter

I write poetry and blog at www.tinalbporter.com. And I'm thrilled to be writing with you.
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5 Responses to Rage against … the children?

  1. Pingback: On Turning 14 « uuMomma

  2. What’s important isn’t that you’re perfect (that’s not likely to help your kids), but to demonstrate how to admit when you’re wrong, how to reach out after an argument, etc.

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  3. jacqueline says:

    We all get pissed sometimes. I suppose it would be better if we were in control all the time, but I think that is unrealistic. Your kids will be fine, you will be fine, and next time you will do it differently, or not. I feel bad about the times I have yelled at my girl, but then again I know that anger is just part of life too. Good times and bad, so they say. You are fine.

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  4. radical mama says:

    That’s hard. i have those moments, too, and I hate them.

    Unfortunately, the proper channels don’t seem to give a crap what we think. If they did, we wouldn’t be in a war, Guantanomo would be closed, and we’d all have health care, not just children.

    And one thing I have noticed about “pro-life” people: quality of life is a non-issue. If you think about it, pro-life mentality is fatalistic, therefore we all get what we deserve, for better or for worse, and who is our goverment to change that? Nice, huh?

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  5. Peace and healing to you, by the grace of the holy. I’m guilty of the same behavior at different times. You are not alone. You are in my prayers and meditation. (and the veto of the SCHIPS bill pisses me off, too!)

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