Vague post about being (grumble, grumble) human

What happens when you pat yourself on the back? Rotator cuff injury, that’s what. Even, apparently, when the patting is metaphorical.

I’ve been wondering how I have been able to manage all of it so well (please, if you don’t know me, understand that I really don’t mean that, but I also do). “All of it” being life’s struggles and disappointments. What I’ve been wondering is how I (of all people) manage to keep putting one foot in front of the other when others get stuck. This is, of course, the flip side to wondering how all those other other people can manage a family, a career, graduate school and some sort of fitness regime that may or may not include a triathalon while I can’t seem to clean out one cupboard in a week’s time.

But when I ponder my life and recent and ongoing events, the one thing I’ve been able to say is that, for the most part, I’m able to maintain some sense of perspective. I don’t spend a lot of time in the “why me?” mode because I can rationalize that it really isn’t about me, it’s generally about something out of my control, like cells mutating. My personal theology is probably less God-centered than it is centered around the idea that what is is what you have to deal with and it will all work out … eventually and not at all in the way that you had planned. In short, life rocks and you roll.  Not “why me?” but “what’s next?” (Credit Forrest Church for that.)

It sounds very haughty. And practical. And do-able. Until it isn’t.

And right now, it isn’t. Well, of course it is doable, I’m just sort of angry and sad and full of wishful thinking for a different result. Vague much? Yes. Right now I am. I’ll just say we are facing yet another medical issue in my family and I’m just a little tired of it. So, today, just for today, I roll around in the knowledge that I am smug when I think that this living thing is easy and why shouldn’t everyone be as smart as I am. Because truth is: I’m angry, and sad and full of wishful thinking. I am, alas, human. And I’m dealing with THAT reality, as well. Which, of course, humbles me back to a greater understanding of why others get stuck.

All will be well … sometimes it just takes a little pinch of time to get there.

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About TinaLBPorter

I write poetry and blog at www.tinalbporter.com. And I'm thrilled to be writing with you.
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