Got home tonight at 6:30 and found eldest daughter sound asleep on the couch. This is the child who would rather do ANYTHING than sleep. Well, almost anything, though I did find her cleaning her room at 1:30 one morning so I shouldn’t rule that out. From the age of about 15 months, it has been difficult to get this child to go to bed at night, let alone nap. And here she was, zonked out–snorting in her sleep, even.
We go back to the doctor on Thursday. They fit us in because I just don’t know what to do for her right now, other than hold her and tell her … what? My love helps her but doesn’t change a thing. I want her to feel better. I want her not to hurt.
This summer when we took down our swing set, I was the one who stood and watched as she hoisted the cement footings into the wheelbarrow and then trek them down to the road for the garbage man to take away. I remember watching her as she pushed me aside, taking care of me, making sure I wasn’t the one to lift the weight of it. I remember watching, thrilled to see her flex her physicality, her strength, her desire to master a challenge. I remember it because I was in awe of her. I remember it because it was … two months ago.
Each day is an opportunity to learn something else about her. What I know about her is she gives up before she digs in. She did so with the Tuba; she did it again with her Speech and Debate participation. Perhaps right now is the giving up time and coming soon she will dig in. I don’t know. I really don’t. I can only hope that the pain will lessen and she will find her way. I can only hope. And I suppose there are worse things to be left with.